Home
by Endless-Imaginings
Summary: During his end of school concert, James Sirius Potter gets a chance to reflect back on his least favourite memory. Song-fic. One Shot.


So, I really love James Sirius Potter, and have all sorts of ideas about what his life is. I've never really written these ideas down, but I got bored, and this is the result.

I guess this isn't going to make sense, but it's meant to be some MYSTERY! Well, sort of...

Anyway, I hope it doesn't completely suck, and if you want me to write more, tell me. :)

The song is Home - Daughtry.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Or the song.

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><p>This song is James's. That sounds weird, but he wrote this before we were ever a band, and it was the first song he wrote the whole way through. He would be introducing this, but it is about a difficult period in his life, that often he can't think about without breaking down, so I get the honours. I'm sure you all can remember, or at least know what time I'm talking about, and what time the song will talk about, so just respect it. James, come on, man." I heard Mikey's voice from the stage, and, taking my last gulp of water, I stepped out onto the stage. The faces of my eager class mates stared up happily at me, and I tried to return their smiles, but the look that crossed my face must have been a grimace.<p>

"So, this song is 'Home', and it's the first song I ever wrote. So, here goes…" I gulped down as much air as I could, and stared at the ground as Matt hit the drums for the intro.

I heard my voice echo across the school grounds as I carefully shaped the words. I'd been singing this song since I wrote it at the end of third year, yet only my band mates, dorm mates and family had ever heard it. Normally, I couldn't form the words without crying, but I had to get through the song. I was performing on a stage infront of my whole year, and some of my peers watching had been part of the reason I wrote the song in the first place.

'_I'm staring out into the night,  
>Trying to hide the pain.'<em>

The endless nights sitting on the roof of Griffindor tower, completely alone, letting the cold bite my skin. The chill had reminded me I was still living, and that I wasn't just in some crazy trance. Every night I spent up there, I kept hoping I would wake up from this bad dream, but it never happened. I had to go on living. Sure, I could have jumped, but I had too much to lose, even then.  
><em>'I'm going to the place where love<br>And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.'_

That was the only safe haven I could find at Hogwarts. The place I had love was home. I longed for it with all my heart in those days. I wanted to hug my mum, let her tell me everything was going to be okay. Hear my dad tell me it was fine, that I could get through this, his arms wrap around me when I broke down. I grab my little sister, Lily, in my arms, and swing her round, just having fun for once. Home was the one place that was consistent. The place I longed for.  
><em>'And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.'<em>

I can still remember the heart ache of those days, the cloud of depression when I think hard enough about it. The constant pain, the fight that just getting up and carrying on with life was. Looking at my life now, everyone thinks I'm happy-go-lucky, how everything has changed…

_'Well I'm going home,  
>Back to the place where I belong,<br>And where your love has always been enough for me.'_

My house. The place where safety, acceptance, comfort was a guarantee, where I could escape from the horror of reality that school was creating. Where I could breakdown, and no one would care. Where there was no judgement. Where my best friend was. _  
>'I'm not running from.<br>No, I think you got me all wrong.'_

I felt like I was running, like I wasn't man enough to stand up and face them. Tell them what I thought. I couldn't do it. It's impossible to confront someone about something so personal, and that you don't want others to know. Especially in a school like this, if you have a shouting match, everyone knows._  
>'I don't regret this life I chose for me.'<em>

I didn't, and still don't regret this. It's my life, it's the way I am. Telling people, even a few, gave me the freedom to be who I really am. Why would I care what a few losers had to say about it? But, I did care. So much. They weren't just bullies, they were ex-bestfriend bullies. That's what hurt the most. _  
>'But these places and these faces are getting old,<br>So I'm going home.  
>Well I'm going home.'<em>

I was fed up. So fed up. It was too much to have to get up every day and see their taunting faces. To know what they were thinking. To know why. I could read their faces like a book. I didn't want to stay within the restrictions of Hogwarts anymore. Here, there were always walls. Be them invisible or visible, they were always there.

'The miles are getting longer, it seems,  
>The closer I get to you.'<p>

That was the countdown to the summer holidays. To when I could see my family. To when I could see Teddy. Why couldn't he be here? He'd been through this. He'd know exactly what to do. What to say. But, the days seemed to draw out longer and longer, the closer summer came. It seemed to be forever until I could go home, when really it was less than a month._  
>'I've not always been the best man or friend for you.<br>But your love remains true.  
>And I don't know why.<br>You always seem to give me another try.'_

Self doubt. All my friends here had abandoned me, why wouldn't Teddy, and my family do the same? I knew deep down they were different, but it was hard to find those feelings, to actually believe in what I knew was true. Believing in myself was almost impossible. I almost didn't know who I was anymore. _  
><em>  
><em>'So I'm going home,<br>Back to the place where I belong,  
>And where your love has always been enough for me.<br>I'm not running from.  
>No, I think you got me all wrong.<br>I don't regret this life I chose for me.  
>But these places and these faces are getting old,'<br>_  
><em>'Be careful what you wish for,<br>'Cause you just might get it all.  
>You just might get it all,<br>And then some you don't want.  
>Be careful what you wish for,<br>'Cause you just might get it all.  
>You just might get it all, yeah.'<em>

That was the hardest part. I had wished for this, indirectly. I wished for them to know. Now, they knew, and it had left me in this mess. Why, if I hadn't wished for this, they could be as ignorant as they were before. Everyone would be happy, and my world wouldn't be covered with this cloud of depression. _  
><em>  
><em>'Oh, well I'm going home,<br>Back to the place where I belong,  
>And where your love has always been enough for me.<br>I'm not running from.  
>No, I think you got me all wrong.<br>I don't regret this life I chose for me.  
>But these places and these faces are getting old.<br>I said these places and these faces are getting old,  
>So I'm going home.<br>I'm going home.'_

I got through the song without breaking down. That was the main feeling when the song was over. Relief. Then, I looked out across my peers. They all knew what the song was about, it was obvious for anyone who knew me. Several people in the corner looked slightly guilty, they were the ones who had made me write the song in the first place. Emma was actually crying. There's a reason she's my best friend at school, she's always been there for me. The professors at the back all looked apologetic. They hadn't done anything, hadn't asked what was wrong during this time. Then, there was Cameron. He just stared. Eyes full of some unreadable emotion.

I grinned out at them all, and started to introduce the next song.


End file.
